Hammer & Tongs

 Since I had plenty of time to consider this subject on my seven hour drive today, I thought I would share with you some wisdom I have gained regarding driving in Japan.

WARNING: much of this information may be (and probably is) self-evident to most people. I’m a boy of little brain and it often takes much time and repetition for me to arrive at conclusions most of you don’t even have to think about.

So here’s the thing. I’ve realized that there are three facts you must come to grips with if you aren’t planning on driving yourself crazy:

1. You ARE NOT driving  through feudal Japan. Nor are you in France or Italy. So you’re not going to be constantly exposed to quaint, timeless villages that seem to have been somehow magically preserved totally intact from The Good Old Days. You should be so lucky. The vast majority of what you see, especially in any built up area, is going to be bland or downright ugly.

You get the idea.

As a matter of fact, driving here is pretty much exactly the same as driving anywhere in North America, scenery notwithstanding. Get over it.

2. If, like me, you eschew driving on toll roads/expressways (VERY expensive here & usually running through the most boring locations imaginable), it’s going to take you a LONG time to get anywhere. My 7 hour marathon could have been done in exactly half the time by train. Of course the train ride is going to cost you $130, so there’s that. On the expressways it would have been four and a half mindless hours. 

The other thing to keep in mind is that -  Chad’s inflexible opinion notwithstanding - Google Maps will take you on some, shall we say, “different” roads.

Here’s one I ended up on, and it’s not even close to being the worst. Twisty one-laners with mirrors at every corner are not uncommon and some make you think,”Why did they even bother paving this path?” And unfortunately, since you can only see a small slice of your surroundings, you have no fucking idea where you are or if you have a viable alternative (“Yep, just stay on this nice, smooth highway and avoid that snaky line through the mountains”). Comes with the territory.

In addition from time to time, for whatever reason, The Google Lady loses her place, freaks out and start flinging a series of rapid-fire directions.”Turn left, turn right, head northeast”. I can only wait for her to come to her senses, hopefully before the next crucial exit or intersection. Nothing bad has happened yet, but it’s a bit unnerving.

3. For some unfathomable reason, most of the roads I’ve been driving on, roads that for sure would have an 80 km/hr speed limit in Canada, are 50. And there are giant yellow lines and huge “No Passing” signs prominently displayed every kilometre. So… if you get stuck behind a truck or a supremely law-abiding citizen, you’re royally screwed. Since you’re driving between towns, this happens a lot more frequently than you’d think - or like. You just have to suck it up and wait for that ONE opportunity to present itself. Combined with the sheer number of towns you have to drive through - towns overwhelmingly enamoured with traffic lights  - it can make for a long, frustrating day.

Still worth it. I’m not in any particular hurry, although my lizard brain might tell you a different story, and you really do get to see rural Japan.

Forewarned is forearmed.

I do want to tell you all about Hiroshima but that’s a story for another day. Hmmm…let’s see…what other fascinating topic could I share with you? Oh yeah - FOOD!

As I previously revealed, I’m totally hooked on okonomyaki, The World’s Greatest Pancake. And guess which Japanese city is renowned for them? Yep. Hiroshima. And what hole-in-the-wall is the very pinnacle of this treat? Hassei.

The Assembly Line

Look at the size of my “Seafood Special”! It reminded me of the Hortas on that old Star Trek episode (“No kill I”) Talk about the works - veggies, egg, soba noodles, shrimp, squid, octopus and every sauce known to man. Enough to feed a small army. I could barely finish it.

Japanese Fun Facts

Let’s talk cycling. Hiroshima is the first really big city I’ve been in and the first place I’ve noticed bicycles - LOTS of bicycles. Bicycles of every size & shape imaginable.

Oh yeah, we got the citi e-bikes.

Fine. Nothing particularly unusual about that. 

Strange Fact #1: Everybody, and I mean everybody, rides them exclusively on the sidewalks. Fortunately the sidewalks here, at least on the main drags, are quite wide, but they’re also full of people. And unlike every other aspect of Japanese life, it’s total chaos. Bikes are coming at from every which way, at high speed and without any warning whatsoever. It’s bizarre.

A token example

Strange Fact #2: Nobody, and I mean nobody, wears a helmet. I haven’t seen even one. In Japan?Unfathomable.

I’m looking forward (well, not really) to seeing if this kamikaze trend continues when I get to Tokyo. Until then, I’m just keeping my head on a swivel.